Saddest goodbye to our dear little angel
Its been like months since I updated you on my pregnancy. These past months was very difficult for us. We lost our little angel on October 21, just a week before my 30th birthday. He was 14 weeks then,,, yes He.. it was a boy. No regrets because we know that we did everything we can. I was hospitalized for 4 days to treat the bleeding. One Sunday morning I pee fresh blood. Since no doctors available on this day, we decided to stay in bed and rest. Same thing happened on Monday but this time I saw a small blood clot on my undies. I texted my OB and we are advised to do Transvi before meeting her. When she saw the report I was advised not to go home and go straight to the ER because my cervix is open and a hospital bed rest is needed. On my 3rd day of stay the bleeding stops and I was asked if I could try taking a trip to the bathroom but unfortunately that didn't went well. I bleed again and this time the doctor told me that I will be on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. Bills are filling up so we decided to continue medication at home. I was doing ok at home.. my mother in law and my husband is taking good care of me. At some point the bleeding stops and that was a good sign. I was on a complete bed rest for a week and that is something very new to me.. Its very uncomfortable to the point that you need assistance on anything that you need to do. I felt like helpless and emotionally weak but the comfort of knowing that all of this is for my baby strengthens me. Just before midnight of oct 20 I felt discomfort, Its like you need to fart but its not getting out.. that stuff of like you need to take a shit out but wont come out. Just to ease the discomfort I am actually punching my fist on the wall . Its emotionally draining. I told my self I'll try to take out the gas once more and used the bed pan. I fart a bit of air and peed a little and that it... after 5 min I felt like something came out and that something is blood and the bleeding continues so they decided to bring me back to the hospital. I felt that my water broke and my baby came out before arriving in the hospital. The thought of loosing the life inside of me is very depressing. I kept on whispering "my baby, my baby". In the hospital I went on a D and C operation. A day after we went home got better day after day.
Our Baby Winter Coming Soon......
Life is indeed full of surprises.. Just when your ready to move on BoOm here it comes. Your most awaited gift that only GOD can give.. Just in time for my 30th Birthday. I can't really express the joy I am feeling right now and I know that my husband shares the same zealousness over our precious little life inside me.
It was after shift when I decided to drop by on a local Generic Pharmacy near our house to buy a Pregnancy test. This is all new to me. I've never seen one and don't know how to use it. Just for curiousity sake since I missed day one of my period. A drop is all I need and lines came out. One is so evident but the other one is so pale and I thought it doesn't count at all. I checked the web for images and that's the only time that I realized that the pale line still counts. Ok this is a big news and I should not be so overly excited about it unless I am 100% sure.. I hid the test to my hubby and I asked him to buy me one. I read that it is best to use morning pee for the test so thats what I did. We both tried it together and this time I thought its only one line.. That so sad, thats the time when I showed him the first test. Oh well I think we should see a doctor to end this confusion. Suprisingly we our wrong there is also a second line in there.. oh my..
Today I made the most stupid discision in my whole life ... and I dont care!
as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth..
Usapang Pera Muna
Kung pagtitipid lang din naman ang paguusapan, hindi ako magpapahuli dyan. Buong buhay ko na atang hinihigpitan ang aking sinturon. May panaka nakang pagastos pero tiyak na pinagisipan tulad ng braces, travel, hospital bills, pautang sa mga kamaganak, paaral sa mga kapatid, Kasal etc. dahil nauunawaan kong may mga bagay na higit pa ang halaga kaysa sa salapi at hindi ko kaylanman pinagsisihan ang kahit isang barya na nilaan ko para sa mga ito. Sa larangan ng pananalapi, sa aking palagay ay mahusay ko namang napamahalaan ito maliban na lang minsan ay lumalabis ang katipiran. Sa taong ito ay mamarkahan ko ang ika-10 taon ko ng pagiging empleyado. Oo, Sampung taon na kong kumakayod para mga pangangailangan ko at ng aking pamilya. Paulit ulit, gigising sa umaga, magttrabaho, uuwi. Magiintay ng sahod, ibabudget, tapos magiintay ulit. Sa wikang Ingles ito ay tinatawag na "Rat Race". Nakakapagod ang sistemang ganito ngunit dahil ito lang ang alam kong paraan upang matugunan ang mga pangaraw araw na gastusin pinipilit kong mahalin ang ganitong buhay. Nakalimutan ko na mayroon pala akong kakayahang magdisisyon para sa aking sarili at kakayanin kong lumabas sa sistemang ito kung nanaisin ko. Kalayaan pinansyal na hinahangad ng karamihan. Ang buhay na ganap at higit na kaaya aya. Makakalaya rin ako.
Naalala ko nung nasa kolehiyo pa ako pinangarap ko na maging isang empleyado sa isang malaking gusali sa Makati. "Balang araw magtatrabaho din ako dyan" sabay turo sa building. Pero ang sabi ng Tiya ko, "Huwag mong pangarapin ang maging empleyado, magnegosyo ka". Sa unang pagkakataon namulat ako sa ideya na higit na mas lamang ka kung ikaw ang boss kaysa ikaw ang empleyado ngunit dahil wala rin namang magagabay sa akin sa kung paano magsimula pinili ko pa rin ang maging isang Makati Girl. Nakapasok ako sa isang malaking kompanya sa Makati. Sa isang Bangko, hindi rin naging madali ang buhay ko doon pero nagsikap ako at nakaranas din ng malaking pagbabago sa loob ng limang taon. Sinubukan ko ding maging call center agent. Madali lang kasi makapasok. Isang araw lang ata ay pwede ka na nilang i-hire. Dito panibagong mundo ang hinarap ko. Grave yard shift. Canada Account. EOP. Imumulat ka nito sa kakaibang kultura. May mabuti at masama. Bagamat malaki ang sweldo ko sinubukan kong kumawala sa paghahanap buhay ng gabi dahil na rin sa hindi magandang epekto sa kalusugan ko. Dalawang taon ko rin natiis ang stress sa ganitong uri ng hanapbuhay. Nagbakasyon ako ng isang buwan at sa tila pinagaadya na rin ng pagkakataon ang posisyon na nais ko ay kinakailangan pa rin akong pumasok sa gabi. Ngayon kakadiwang ko lang ng aking ikatlong taon sa kasalukuyang ko trabaho. Dalawang awards, Promotion, Mahusay na pamamalakad, Mabubuting boss at officemates. Wala ka ng hahanapin pa. Napa kaideal kung tutuusin. Comfort Zone nga kung tawagin. Pero hanggang dito na lang ba ako???
Alam ko na may mas malawak pa na mundo na naghihintay sa akin sa labas ng apat na sulok ng opisina . Hindi nga lang kasing ginhawa ng mayroon ako ngayon pero higit itong may kabuluhan at mas malaki ang pagkakataon kung lumago at matupad ang pangarap ko na di ko kaylanman naabot sa loob ng 10 taon kung paghahanap buhay.
Sinulat ko ito ko to ngayon bilang HAMON para sa aking sarili sa lahat ng mga katulad ko na nakulong sa sistema ng 15/30. ang 2015 ay dinediklara ko na taon ng aking paglaya sa larangan ng pinanalapi. Kalayaan mula labis na pagtitipid. Kalayaan mula sa takot na mawalan ng hanapbuhay. Kalayaan mula sa takot na mawalang ng pera sa bulsa. Kalayaan sa takot na walang maitulong sa pamilya. Kalayaan sa takot na mawala ang so-called SECURITY na pinanghahawakan ng isang empleyado.
My dream Board
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| Artsy Mode - Sam's Dreamboard |
Im soooooooooo excited ..Hopefully 2015 is Singapora Time with my Husband. (^-^)
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